https://mimosa6769.lofter.com/post/1cba67fd_119ea638
糟糕历史：我们才没有输哼唧-amazing


<p>糟糕历史，BBC出品的系列吐槽剧，对英国及其他各国历史进行角度清奇的吐槽，深受人民群众好评（？）。不过有这么一段非常重要的历史，之前一直没有槽过，仿佛被遗忘在了角落里。</p> 
<p>是的，这就是美国的独丨立丨战争史。直到2017年的第七季，才用了整整一集火力全开把美国历史从头到尾槽了一遍，哇真是卯足全劲，禁不住搓小手手期待了起来呢。就让我们来看看这波槽力够不够猛——</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NHA4MDRvU2ZyNi9PQ3pCdFhvdzJFbll1c0pESWhjVk5RPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NHA4MDRvU2ZyNi9PQ3pCdFhvdzJFbll1c0pESWhjVk5RPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />开头就是华盛顿英勇的……逃跑姿势。</p> 
<p>在各大重要战役中，落樱神斧华盛顿做的主要事情就是逃跑，糟糕历史如是说。</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf6.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6OWJmSmNTS1VCdFh6eWRqWGtxMVJYQmJUcEE1My9zMzRRPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf6.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6OWJmSmNTS1VCdFh6eWRqWGtxMVJYQmJUcEE1My9zMzRRPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br /><img src="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6N0tzcGNKVlVON0RucFMzOVNta3RTQVZadUtSNmNZYjVnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6N0tzcGNKVlVON0RucFMzOVNta3RTQVZadUtSNmNZYjVnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />所以，只要不会被抓住，就不会投降！战争就能取得胜利！</p> 
<p>落樱神斧如是说！</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NVhKTlJIZnB6aUc1OHcyOUhRbUNhaERMdjNNbzFNZlNnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NVhKTlJIZnB6aUc1OHcyOUhRbUNhaERMdjNNbzFNZlNnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />相比之下英国这边做的就是一直在追击华盛顿的军队但是总是追不到，后来因为战争的开销过于高昂，还是放弃了。好气哦！</p> 
<p>（你们是不是忘了约克镇之战……）</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NXlpcWdscXNjcXZGOU5tb3REa0lsUjNCcmRkWXlmRFJ3PT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NXlpcWdscXNjcXZGOU5tb3REa0lsUjNCcmRkWXlmRFJ3PT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />虽然美国通过落跑姿势英勇获得了独丨立，可是没有地方建首都，那就只好建在沼泽上了，又臭又湿，蚊子还特别多，就连华盛顿都要再次逃跑了。</p> 
<p>哼，这种鬼地方，给我们都不要。</p> 
<p>（怎么感觉到了一股酸溜溜的气息）</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NFc0VVJXV0FTL3V6YWRSS1BYVk1lUGFUbXpreXZwcFZnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6NFc0VVJXV0FTL3V6YWRSS1BYVk1lUGFUbXpreXZwcFZnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />吐槽完了这个新国家的首都，那就来吐槽一下它的国徽，必须的。</p> 
<p>他们居然差点把火鸡放在国徽上？多么傻，哈哈哈哈！</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf6.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6L0NuWlVYRDc0OUhrSkEwcndNa2l5TnFpWDI5NmFIcmZBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf6.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6L0NuWlVYRDc0OUhrSkEwcndNa2l5TnFpWDI5NmFIcmZBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />虽然最后火鸡惜败，白头海雕获胜，但是这鸟是个秃子啊！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！</p> 
<p>（对不起，你们把独角兽放在国徽上有好到哪里去吗？向全世界表明英国人真心实意地相信独角兽是存在的吗？）</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6eHJxU1BTRjBjSURYMDhhaFdnMFZYTVpPSjFtU1hWSnZnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf3.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6eHJxU1BTRjBjSURYMDhhaFdnMFZYTVpPSjFtU1hWSnZnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />当然，不管什么样的吐槽都要带上对岸那家伙——法国大丨革丨命时期的拿破仑穷得叮当响到要用两千万美元卖掉新奥尔良的事情也被拿来狠狠嘲笑了一番。</p> 
<p>法兰西银行里只剩下两颗纽扣，一块手帕和一根豌豆了啊！真是闻者落泪见者心碎！</p> 
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<p><img src="https://imglf6.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6OW9mdS9ad2FjQUh3eDZjZDBucWkrQkQvYVBQZjVyU3dRPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf6.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6OW9mdS9ad2FjQUh3eDZjZDBucWkrQkQvYVBQZjVyU3dRPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br />于是拿总跟美国总统杰弗逊谈笑风生，I love USA! I love it! Uncle Simon!&nbsp;(是不是有什么不太对……）</p> 
<p>用一千五百万买下来了新奥尔良和路易斯安娜殖民地，杰弗逊表示肥肠满意。美利坚开始朝着成为一个super size的胖纸迈进了一步。</p> 
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<p>说真的，糟糕历史对美国独丨立丨战争的吐槽，让我想起了Hamilton里英王乔治三世唱给美国人的这首歌：</p> 
<p><img src="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6OVQ4OVVvdmVJbnk2aW5tWmgwUWRXM2sxRm5weEw1ZmdBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6OVQ4OVVvdmVJbnk2aW5tWmgwUWRXM2sxRm5weEw1ZmdBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br /><img src="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6MkZaRldYTk1RU0g0WU1uWnlQaEZCQnIyNERhSzRwWnRBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6MkZaRldYTk1RU0g0WU1uWnlQaEZCQnIyNERhSzRwWnRBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br /><img src="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6K1lQNmU0dW1oaUdETEhVb2VDWnZOL0F1QnF2aVJ0d1hBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf5.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6K1lQNmU0dW1oaUdETEhVb2VDWnZOL0F1QnF2aVJ0d1hBPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br /><img src="https://imglf4.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6N2ZNMzMrQmRCaVU1TGNVdGdiL1ljS1d2TlJPRTkrZ3pnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=500x0&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  smallsrc="https://imglf4.nosdn.127.net/img/cXE2R2dyM0JYM2pqV1VobHVZdHp6N2ZNMzMrQmRCaVU1TGNVdGdiL1ljS1d2TlJPRTkrZ3pnPT0.png?=imageView&amp;thumbnail=164x164&amp;quality=96&amp;stripmeta=0&amp;type=jpg%7Cwatermark&amp;type=2"  style="max-width:500px;"  /><br /><br /></p> 
<p>我们并没有输，只是没有抓到落跑的华盛顿。</p> 
<p>华盛顿特区这种烂地方，鬼才想要。</p> 
<p>这个新国家的国徽上是个秃头鸟，好蠢喔。</p> 
<p>你们的领土扩张都是向法国买来的，看我揍死那家伙。</p> 
<p><br /></p> 
<p>——谢谢BBC，我已经明白了。</p> 
<p>（满脸围笑关掉视频。）</p> 
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